Two Movements of Dialogue

Self Delineation and Due Consideration are fundamental movements of dialogue. 

Definitions

Self Delineation: an ongoing reciprocal process of mutual assertiveness.  As in good systems theory, I can't know myself on an island. I know myself in relationships. It's on the basis of self-delineation that I know even what claims I can make and which ones I'm entitled to and who I am, my limits and my boundaries, and everything else that comes with that ... it is not just my claim-making, it's also understanding myself in the context of your claims.

Self-delineation in the context of each relationship is a foundational task of advocacy and calls for clarity and courage, for authentic claiming can be a risky, demanding interpersonal task. Not infrequently, note contextual counselors, we refuse to acknowledge the ethical dimension of our relations and evade the personal challenge of self-delineation, engaging in ethically "stagnant" actions (that is, actions that lack personal integrity) because we fear making the claims in situations or relations which we feel entitled to make (Boszormenyi-Nagy, et al., 1991, p. 210). Comments Buber scholar Maurice Friedman (1989), "It takes a life time to learn to meet others and to hold your ground when you meet them" (p. 404).

Due Consideration: an act of understanding that demonstrates that those we are in relationship with have the right to make claims and has a right to expect that we will be reciprocally receptive and caring in response to their claiming.  Indebtedness or the obligation to give care, and entitlement to concrete acts of caring, are factual relational realities, regardless of whether they are acknowledged in a specific relationship. 

Giving fair consideration to others is the willingness to credit the efforts at fairness shown by their efforts toward us.  For example crediting their willingness to liste3n and respond responsibly to our points of view, crediting their open commitment to fair relational outcomes, and crediting their willingness to take responsibility for the consequences of their past actions. 

When we credit a partner in these ways, we function in that tensional stance which sees the other’s side.  When a person listens, responds, and credits his/her partner  in the above sorts of ways, following the principle of reciprocity, that person earns merit with the partner and is entitled to comparable efforts from the partner.

Self Delineation

Revealing ourselves from our own context, and disclosing our intended meanings are aspects of self delineation.

Due Consideration

Receiving the other from their own context and inviting response are aspects of due consideration

Additional Thoughts

Each can elicit the other

Commonalities and differences are givens in every relationship.

Dialogue flows out of people’s willingness to engage and acknowledge each other.

*Sources and quotes taken from TrustWorks.org and from Jeanine Czubaroff's article Justice and argument: toward development of a dialogical argumentation theory.